I've been trying to find words that would convey my feelings towards my state of residence after finding out that Amendment One was passed. I have none, except for the feeling of despair at the state I once decided to stay a citizen of, in the hopes that I would grow along with it... I now see that it is intent in staying behind the times, until a Supreme Court case forces the state to move forward, or perhaps even Federal troops, just like in Kansas and Alabama with segregation.

Maybe going back to New York might not be such a bad idea, after all.

I'm growing to hate those dreams, no matter how happy I actually am in-universe at being able to spend time with her, even if "she" is just a figment of my imagination.

I dreamed about her again, two nights ago. She was as beautiful as I could ever remember her, with that smile that could light up the whole building and sparkling brown eyes that shone regardless of all the stuff she'd been through... She was, in my dream as well as when she was real, a bright light that, no matter how many times life tried to dim it, kept on shining for everybody to see...

Until it stopped.

God, I miss her. I feel now, as I did that cold September morning, as if something vital is missing from my life, and now that she's gone I have but remnants left of who I once was. I can't help but to relive my memories with her, remembering how unnaturally happy I was...

I know, I know. I should let go. I was lucky to have her for that limited period of time, when I could just as well have not met her at all, but God this hurts! I end up wishing I could forever stay within that dream, where there is only her and I, because there is nothing that I could possibly imagine my life offering that could even begin to match that. I sometimes end up wishing I could just get this over with, because, afterlife or not, at least there's a small chance that I would get to see her again...something I currently don't have.